I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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