well I can't set my house on fire every night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
