That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
