Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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