i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize