That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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