Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Randomize
