If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
