oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
