Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
