just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
