I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
