well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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