I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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