I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize