She said her name was "party"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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