When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize