advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
