I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
