Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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