Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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