i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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