I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
