it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
