I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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