Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
