Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
