Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
