she woke up with a sticky ear
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
