we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
