Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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