i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
