he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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