1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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