All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
