your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
