3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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