6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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