Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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