I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
