just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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