At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
