Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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