i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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