Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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