so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
