No, you can still breathe under the balls.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
me + whiskey = a bad person
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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