definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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