I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
