Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
