Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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