I seem to have left my pride at pride
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
