You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
