After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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