Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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