i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
