i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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