I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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