I'm going to jail i love you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
