For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
