Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize