i just had sex bonerless
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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