I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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