it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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