At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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