It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
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Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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