The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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