omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
