remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
