I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
