i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
