I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
