woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
