Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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