So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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