well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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