you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
