Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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