Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
