Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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