You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
