I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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